Panic Disorders :: Xanax Damage Derealization

I had my first panic attack 6 years ago, shortly after graduation from college, at 23 years old , in May 2008 and they became more and more frequent in the subsequent weeks. I did not have health insurance and opted to not go to the hospital. Eventually I became a hermit in my room, waking up in terror all night, not being able to breathe. My girlfriend at the time was seeing a psychiatrist and I finally went. She diagnosed me with panic disorder and depression, based on a dysfunctional childhood. She put me on Xanax .25 to .5 mg as needed. This drug was a miracle for me and I was quite ignorant six years ago in relation to health and meds. I was finally able to breathe again and live, until I woke up with constant urinary urgency that did not stop for several years, throughout this period I had 0 panic attacks, as I was in constant pain. Medication only made it worse, the only thing that helped me survive was Xanax. I never abused it. I was on and off every ssri and bladder pill on the market and tried everything from silver water to bee pollen. Nothing ever worked for the ic or prostatitis and doctors gave up on my chance for recovery. Through the years on my own, I found relief, but the anxiety increased as did the Xanax slowly. I moved to sc three years ago and quit smoking lost 50 lbs once I started to run 15 to 20 miles a week, and began to take classes in nutrition in my leisure time, getting rid of the fast food and substituting it with organic produce and juicing, after many years in constant pain I have become obsessed with learning the error of my ways. I started on my own tapering my Xanax and bladder pills, at the time I was on a combine 15 prescriptions, and now I am on two, Xanax and elmiron for the bladder, and I am reducing them. I started to have brain for, or derealization about two years ago in the midst of my health search. I can barely feel emotion, kind of like I am not alive, I can barely remember getting to work once I am there, I put on this smile and have been faking it for a long time. Life has lost all feeling. If I take a Xanax it gets a little better, as in I just do not care. I feel like a machine and sometimes I feel like I cannot take it. I am down to .125 mg to .25mg of Xanax a day and have started some herbs like st johns wort and kava, but am so fatigued and brain fogged Is the Xanax causing this? Or the withdrawal due to my tapering? Or is it the Anxiety? I cannot get any real answers from the doc, as he just wants to give me more chemicals, the only thing U S doctors do these days. Any experience this would my very helpful. How can I awake from this fog and feel alive again? How long will it take?

Any help would be much appreciated! I am a 29 year old male, 145lbs. I exercise regularly and have a very healthy diet.