Substance Abuse :: Oxycodone Withdrawal

I need some guidance.  I've always been a responsible person with a good job and good morals. A few years ago my boyfriend was using pain pills regularly. If I had a bad migraine or something he would give me one. I never thought I was in danger of addiction.  I've never had an addictive personality. Well I began to use recreationally occasionally.  Like take one every couple months at an event or something like that.  

Nearly two years ago my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. I was devastated. She died 3 months later and it destroyed me. Absolutely destroyed me.  Being a late stage cancer patient, she had thousands of 10mg oxycodone around.  I took all of her medication and began taking it regularly. I now realize it's because of the anti anxiety effects they had.  I knew it was wrong and I was upset w myself but I was so caught up in grief I didn't care. I took up to 4 a day.. Sometimes 2 a day, and other than knowing it wasn't right, I really didn't think it effected my life. It gave me more energy when I couldn't even get out of bed..and it made me feel like living. A couple weeks ago I realized I was going to run out.  So I had to make a decision.  Find a way to get more, or quit. I chose to let them run out.  I knew my boyfriend went through withdrawal when he quit so I was expecting some kind of withdrawal, but I was never prepared for this. I took the last dose Sunday (today is Wednesday). Monday I didn't feel good but I didn't think much of it.  

Monday night I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned all night.. My legs felt restless and I couldn't seem to find the right temperature. I went from hot to cold in a nanosecond.

I still didn't realize this was withdrawal. I thought it was just anxiety.  Tuesday was hell. I work full time so I went into work feeling like I had the flu. I assumed it was because I didn't get any sleep. I've battled w insomnia since my mom got sick so I still didn't put it together.  I had no energy during and after work. I had no appetite. I got diarrhea so I thought I had a bug, having never read up on withdrawal.  The thought of going from the parlor to the bathroom seemed like an impossible task. I tried to go to bed early and tossed and turned.  My legs felt like they were on fire. I couldn't keep still. I had full blown chills and was drenched in sweat. I was hot and cold and sweating and miserable. I fell asleep for about 15 minutes and woke up drenched, and I mean drenched in sweat. I may have gotten another hour sleep after that. I began to realize that it was possible this could be withdrawal and made a note to check the symptoms tomorrow at work. So here is day 3. I'm miserable. I feel like I was hit by a bus and have the worst flu of my life. I looked up the symptoms and was shocked to see that I had been experiencing precisely what cold turkey withdrawal is. Over the counter sleep aids haven't helped at all.

Nobody in the world knows I was using these pills so nobody knows what I'm going through. I was debating trying Xanax to help me sleep but read up on benzodiazepines and they seem worse than opiates. Since I became addicted to pain pills, I can no longer trust myself w narcotics and don't know if I should use the Xanax to try and get sleep. I don't know how many more days of work I can take without sleep and don't have a day off coming until Sunday.